Friday, March 20, 2009

Since I can swear in my own blog ...

The first commenter at this post at singleparents.about.com is a stupid, ignorant piece of sh*t. He (she? must be a he) advocates a site called childrenneedbothparents.net, which I only had time to skim through, but this post in particular caught my eye and pissed me off even more.

I hate the way the information is presented to accuse a mother of denying her children a father in their lives. I can't think of too many women who would disallow visitation, unless the father was seriously abusive and jeopardizing his children's lives. If we want to go by half-truths, stereotypes, and out-of-context "facts," then I propose that if children are fatherless, it is because the father couldn't handle the responsibility and left. Or was forced to leave because of abuse.

It takes a lot more than two parents to make a family. And a family arrangement does not have to be of a two-gendered nuclear type in order to lead healthy children into adulthood.

Do you know how many straight single moms regret choosing the wrong man to father her children? So many of us stuck it out and tried to make it work, and decided it was in fact healthier to not expose her children to the abuses in the parental relationship.

In my own situation I had to make the difficult decision to separate from my son's father. My son was not learning how to relate to others in a healthy way because of our fighting. And get this: my son is not fatherless. He has both parents, even though we live in different cities. He spends almost every weekend with his dad and dad's family. I wouldn't let him go if I thought it was unhealthy for him. They have a close and loving relationship, and I do everything I can to encourage it. My son is well-adjusted and one of the nicest and most outgoing kids in his daycare.

To all the single parents out there, Happy Single Parents' Day.

To our critics, go to hell. Your generalizations are not helpful or useful.


Seriously,
Karissa

4 comments:

  1. I haven't read the posts you refer to and don't knwo if I will. I've had enough single mom/parent bashing in the last couple weeks. But I'm with you on what you express in your post. Amen sista!

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  2. That is such backwards thinking.

    A child will grow up well adjusted if they are in a loving environment regardless of what their immediate family may look like.

    I know many families that have both parents under the same roof but they are less engaged with their children than my other friends who are a same sex couple and have chosen to adopt.

    An unhappy couple cannot hide that (as much as they may try) from their children.

    And no one ought to stay in a abusive relationship "just for the children". It would not be modelling anything healthy you would want your children to carry forward.

    What year are these critics living in?!

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  3. I wouldn't read them, either, but thanks for saying what you said. I don't know why single mom bashing is so "in" these days, but it has to stop already!

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Thanks for commenting! I will have it published as soon as I can ~ Karissa