I have known for the past few weeks that I was feeling low. Every time I thought of something to post on this blog I decided it was too negative, or whiny, or not grateful enough. Like, the old me.
I was snapping at my son A LOT. And freaking out on his dad TOO MUCH (well, the doofus did play a mean trick with money in April, but I didn't want to react the way I did). I was spending A LOT of time at work trying to wrap up the semester, and trying to get to my weekly Al-Anon meeting each Tuesday afternoon. I spent a weekend with my mom, which turned out pretty well, for maybe the first time ever. I was stressing a lot about a potential new relationship.
And then I got sick. Disgustingly, embarrassingly sick. I couldn't keep water down and what I thought was a spider bite on my back migrated to my front. I writhed and itched and thought I might be dying. After a whole weekend of suffering, I went to the doctor.
Diagnosis: SHINGLES. Yes, the same shingles that my grandmother gets. My old chicken pox virus gone bad, after thirty years of harbouring in my spinal nerves. My nerves were shot, and they shot out an old pox to remind me of what bad really is.
I'm back to being grateful, because it could have been worse. Shingles is something I can live with. It's a condition that can recur, so it forces me to take care of myself in order to prevent a new outbreak. The pain can be excrutiating at times, but I can live with it. I have an amazing capacity for pain (or so I was told during my 37 hours of labour with Bean in 2006). The treatment is a little expensive, but bound for success.
No more skipping breakfast, or cafeteria pizza for lunch. No more toast for dinner.
I have a feeling I'm going to have to re-visit my budget, and possibly move some debt money into food and wellness money categories.
I don't have the internet at home anymore so I try to post from work (on my lunch break, of course ;)). However I have been mostly keeping up with blog reading on my HTC phone. I managed to get a readable Google Reader on it and I check it a couple times a day. So, I've still been here all along, just not able to say anything. And like I mentioned, I didn't have much to say. I hope this new, renewed wellness project that is ME gives me inspiration to write again.