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Money talks with the Ex

I'm so used to discussing money now that I have this blog. All my debts and savings are out there for the world to see - and to judge. Not many people who know me personally know about this blog. Some know that it exists, but I haven't widely passed along the link.

I'm afraid of being judged.

The issue came up the other night when I was on the phone with my son's father (SF). We can talk openly and honestly about a lot of things, but we have a really unhealthy aspect to our relationship where if something goes wrong and we start fighting (which happens every other month or so, for various reasons), everything we have confided in each other comes out as ammunition in an argument. More so for him, because I am more open and have very few secrets. And I talk a lot.

And I usually say too much. We were having an unusually civil conversation on the phone the other night, where I let down my guard and told him about the big chunk I have paid off the LOC. After all, I'm proud of my achievement. Of course he asked the question I had been dreading: does any of the money his employer sends each week end up in savings?

I tried to explain to him that my priority for the next couple of years is debt reduction. I have some savings (A LOT more than he does), but most of the money goes towards debt payments. I told him that if I didn't pay down the debt, then more of "his" money would be going towards interest payments, and lowering the interest takes priority over accumulating a smaller amount of interest in a savings account.

I think he got it, but I almost forgot I was speaking to someone whose debt reduction strategy is to let things go until his wages are garnished ...

And now that I've put my achievement out there it can be used for ammunition the next time we argue. I know him well, and he might try to argue that "his" money is being used to pay off "my" debts, even though a good chunk of it is compounded interest from cash advances that I had to take when I was living with him!

They say all is fair in love and war. I say some of us have to work our butts off to get stuff done, and we still get in trouble for it!

/rant :)



  1. Anonymous7:46 PM

    I really haven't told anyone IRL about my blog either. I like it that way because I can say whatever I want about whoever I want. And I'm afraid of being judged as well. Been reading your blog for a week or two now, and admiring your goals.

    Keep up the good work!

  2. You stick to your plan...
    You must do what is best for you.

  3. Hi Karissa, I wouldn't think of it as his money going towards your debt, but that his money is going towards Bean which frees up more of your money to put on your debt. That's what I would throw back at him if he did try to use it as ammunition.

  4. As a new reader, I have to comment on your ex, and his wondering about "his" money. The attitude appalls me.

    We both know as the custodial parent, it is your money to spend how you see fit. The only thing implied is that you buy your child clothes and food. Even at that, it could be second hand store clothes and peanut butter sandwiches.

    Again, your choice.

    Grr...that thinking from non custodial parents is annoying.


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