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I did it my way

Reading this post by Frugal Dad today reminded me of how grateful I am to have done it my way, against all odds, despite all criticism.

I was thirty years old when I found myself pregnant by my ex. We had reconciled briefly, but I was in the process of getting rid of all my stuff and moving to Thailand for eight months or longer. I had already arranged a leave of absence from a position I despised at the university, and was looking for a geographical cure for my misery. I was already thirty, with a B.A. in International Development and no overseas experience under my belt. It was time to go.

But there were other plans in store for me. Under my belt was a little sprawn, who would inspire me to stop smoking, stop living by my four credit cards, and get real about life. I mean, GET REAL.

I found out I was pregnant a week before I left for Thailand. I felt it was too late to change my plans, my job was given out on contract and my apartment was already rented to new tenants. Trying to arrange a quickie abortion - something I didn't even consider - would delay my trip by a couple of weeks, at least.

I did what I do with everything, I dove right in head first and dealt with it all as it came.

Sure, my situation wasn't ideal. I was single, temporarily unemployed, and up to my seventh chakra in debt. I had years of counseling ahead of me, if I were ever to feel comfortable in my own skin. I had issues and scars. I had little support from my family.

But I was thirty, not a kid in high school, with a B.A. and a lot of love to give. Having my son forced me to take a real look at the mess I called my life and quickened me to straighten it out. It took time, it's taking time, but it's happening. I can feel it. I'm smoke-free over three years now, getting myself out of debt, added the Honours to my degree, and I'm a lot more self aware, as well as a lot less self-conscious. Becoming a mom did wonders for my self-esteem. I'm learning patience ... stability ... integrity.

I guess my point is that there is no ideal time to have kids. Sure, plans are great, but life is what it is. It's only life.



  1. Good for you! I guess it's true what they say that everything happens for a reason :-) Just think where you might be today if Bean never happened to you. Great post, thanks for sharing! :-)

  2. Karissa,

    Sometimes babies come when you need then the most. My DD was a huge surprise after being told @ 21 that the chances of having a baby were very slim... At that time I was just out to have fun, had flunked out of University once and quit the second time. ( her father and I broke up when she was two, I wanted more he wasn't ready) I went back to school a year after I had her and never looked back. She was my kick in the pants. If I did n;t have her, I wouldn't have my degree, my house or my car. I'd be a 39 years old party queen without any responsibilities.

    Some days its hard being the only parent, but like I say to my friends, I'd rather be single and lonely at times, than be in a relationship and lonely...

  3. You have made lemons out of lemonade and have every reason to be proud of where you are today. Nice post!

  4. That is really inspirational.

    And it's true -- there's no perfect time to have kids. To wait to have money, or time or to settle, is to wait too long and end up having to adopt like many women I see here in the richer areas who are career oriented.

    *shrug* It was their choice in the end but I can't help but wonder if they regretted waiting so long


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