Monday, March 09, 2009

Dating is expensive

I don't have dating worked into my budget. After a failed attempt at a relationship a few months ago I decided it would be more cost-efficient to stay totally single until my debt is paid off.

I guess the dating gods have other plans for me because I have been receiving (and accepting) invitations for casual coffees, lunches and dinners. Oh yes, and beer-events too but they aren't as frequent (although sometimes twice as expensive).

So I have been dipping into my Miscellaneous category to pay for all the extra coffees and meals that go hand-in-hand with getting to know someone new. A friend recently asked me why I am paying at all? My response is that I am a modern woman who has always looked after myself (and others too, but those days are over) and I have my money out and spent before my dinner companion can say anything.

I've also noticed that most men my age are not used to paying for a woman, because they have heard - and probably seen - their whole lives that women support themselves. It's a catch-22, because we want to be able to look after ourselves, but we also want others to pay for us. Where is that line that gets blurred or crossed, that enables an independent woman to accept someone else paying her bill?

I also insist on paying my way because that is what I do with friends, or we take turns covering the bill. Why would I do anything differently because there might be some kissing later on?


Seriously,
Karissa


6 comments:

  1. I don't look at it this way, although I hear what you're saying. But my thought is, if he's asking me out, then yes, I expect him to pay. (Could also come from years of dealing with a deadbeat - I want to make sure HE's self-sufficient!)
    Thanks for commenting. I'm always excited to find other single moms and add them to my Reader.

    ReplyDelete
  2. you really made a good point in your last sentence there. But the first commenter also made a good point, if they asked you out they should atleast offer to pay and u should let them, since they did the asking :) then if you invited them out, you pay!
    either way makes total sense really

    ReplyDelete
  3. On the few dates I've been on, I have always offered to pay, or insisted.

    My boyfriend and I do about 50/50 when it comes to food and dinners. But if we're out drinking he pays. I don't know why that is, but thats what I do. I guess because compared to him and his friends my three or four drinks seem like small potatoes!

    Going out is definitely the most expensive part of my budget!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have to agree...if the other person asked you out then they should pay. If it's a mutual get together than go dutch. And well, if you got the ball rolling, then you can be Modern and Pay. Girl, you are paying off your debt. Let the other person pick up the tab, even if it feels uncomfortable. Hell, its coffee! :)

    Enjoy the dating scene. But I totally know what you mean about staying single while you pay off the debt. It would make life a whole lot easier. But Murphy's Law never allows simplicity. ha!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm a woman libber about work and all........but dating the man should pay. (men still make more than a woman dollar for dollar.

    I've been single for 7 years...and dating again for 5.5 years.

    I always contributed by cooking a lot(and paying for that food at my house or bringing to cook at the man's house.; and the line of work I'm in I get freebies and give as gifts too.

    I recently went on 3 dates with a man.. and the last one he spent 200.00 between dinner and a show. He wanted to go out. He never had children and was 53 and to him 200 was nothing (to me it is my food budget for the month for my 13 year old son and me) the older 2 are 23 and 25 and on their own now.

    He was not for me after 3 dates. I felt bad but i did give him a chance. I never did get to reciprocate with this one.. since I did not want to date him anymore (too critical about others and I found out he was married and divorce 3 times.. yikes).

    Not for me.

    The way I look at it. I had 4 boyfriends for 12 months to 15 months each since my separation/divorce. I found out after a year they were not the marrying type and ended with all four .. and so why spend money on dates when I could do more for my children??

    They really just wanted sex and company AND company and sex. They were not in the place to want to remarried. The last did get me an engagement ring this past December. I loved him; but he only got it since I ended it with him. He did not want to set a wedding date in a year.. so I say NO.

    My theory is men want company (and sex); and so if NO marriage.. why chip in. Marriage than I would chip in equally... I own my own house and I work for myself.. but just making it.. since I have to be home by 2:15 for my son..

    I don't think men want to court for marriage once divorce once (or twice).. they did not work on themselves to be WHOLE.. and might do a lot for the woman .. but scared of marriage.

    Another one I dated.. and ended.. did than ask to get engaged too.....after we were broken up for 7 months...... he just did not replace me and was lonely.

    They all talked of LOVE.. LOVE...LOVE and had me meet parents; children; co-workers; neighbors; and on and on........ but Marriage Talk..........was too scary.. they did not want to rejoice..........it was all about their past divorces and custody fight; and lost of part of their pension and who cheated on who...

    So a year to 15 months I moved on even if I do and still have real love for those 4. (one died; and one turned out to be an alcoholic.. so the latter one.. well that was not conducive so I had to end anyway)..

    sorry for so long. Just a 47 year old sharing why I DON"T pay for dates even if I'm a woman libber.. and work for myself.. etc.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am all for being independent, paying your own way bla bla bla, 50% of everything, even rent and bills.

    But here, I've said it before and I'll say it again.

    Men must ALWAYS, ALWAYS pay for the first date.

    You can offer to pay, but he must refuse and take the bill.

    In that case men, pick coffee shops so that you can see if you want to meet up with her again.

    BF is all about equality and fairness, but even HE said he HAD to pay for our first dates together because he was a gentleman.

    That's it.

    FB Reads:
    Paying for the first date and Why I do NOT want to be a Trophy Wife

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting! I will have it published as soon as I can ~ Karissa